Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize