I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize