Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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