when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
