My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
