We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
