just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize