I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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