ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
