My room smells like vodka and shame
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
