i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
