He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
