my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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