just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
There's always time for handjobs
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize