nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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