I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
