it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
