Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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