i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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