I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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