man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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