And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
