Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
