i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
