I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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