would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
