there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize