The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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