dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
