your parents love me but you hate me
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
