Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
