Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Randomize
