mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
