i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Just invented taco cereal.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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