She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Someone shattered a urinal.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
