So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
He passed out mid-signature
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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