dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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