i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
