So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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