VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Randomize
