it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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