The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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