shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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