did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
