i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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