ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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