she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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