people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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