Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
