I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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