"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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