On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
