well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
