I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize