He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
