my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
