please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
being pregnant is like rehab
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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