I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
