I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
