capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
