Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize