Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Randomize
