It's Friday. Sex?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
They have beer where we have blood.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize