Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Randomize
