If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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