ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I know her cup size but not her name....
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
