so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
