i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize