There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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