The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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