You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
