there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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