i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
