Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
