when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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